We all know that he is a massive cock. In fact I am positive that the fact he is an arrogant ballsack, is the very reason he attracts hundreds of thousands of gas guzzling planet killing foot soldiers to follow in his footsteps. They hang on his every word because he speaks out. He doesn't hold back and he tells it how (he thinks) it is. And even though he is always wrong, I can understand why they do.
The cycling community needs a cock like Jeremy Clarkson. He or she should tell it like it is. Be a figurehead for the cycling community sighting hatred at bendy bus drivers and rallying troops to key any car that drives in a cycle lane. However although this would be great and we could turn the cycling community into an old soviet style regime, I get the feeling that it will not be necessary.
The other teams leader Mr J. Clarkson has predicted the end of the car as we know it. In his latest article for Top Gear magazine he informs us of the inevitable doom that the automobile faces and that his "foot soldiers" are helpless in the war against the car haters, and for once he is right. The car will be but a rich mans collectable and they will become what horses are today. Once elegant horses ruled the roads, and now they are but collectables for Sheikhs, Russians and Royalty, going for millions of pounds and watched by thousands as they race to please the gambling community as they drink, smoke and generally have a good time.
The same will happen to the car. They will become collectibles for the uber rich and we will pay to watch them race. We will visit them at car farms and get to pet their interior and feed them oil. They will be looked after like royalty in the best garages in the world and will only be driven perhaps only a few times in their life. And do you know what? Thats just fine with me.
Cars can be amazing. Like bikes I respect the engineering and design that goes into creating some of these marvellous autos. Old MGs and ferraris have a certain charm. The fact that people rallied together in the first place to create such a fantastic item is the most fascinating thing for me. Think of the work that goes into designing and building a car.
Where cars fail however is when some twat in a Vauxhall Corsa pulls out without looking and I swerve into the side of a fucking lorry cracking my skull open. Or when someone drives it 2 miles up the road to buy some milk. The car could have had its place in modern day society but because of greed, laziness and downright stupidity, it has been ruined and will forever be banished to the history books. It would seem that Mr Clarkson is a victim of his own success. The bigger you are, the harder you fall.
A few years from now however, when you are riding along a clear road with not a car in sight, spare a thought for the automobile and be sure to visit it at a track or car farm. Place a bet in its honor and if it comes up good? buy the best fucking bike you can afford!
